Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
