Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
