we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
