idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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