You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
