ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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