he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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