Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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