the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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