I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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