I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize