Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
