I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
