Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
