the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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