i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
