Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
