I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
