Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
