if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
