yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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