its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
