Apparently you make a good broom.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
