I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
