idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
