i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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