i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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