I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize