I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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