I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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