Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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