why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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