She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize