Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
