Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
