he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
