It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
