i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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