I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
