And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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