wat bout pragnant strippers??
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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