what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if i died would you start the facebook group?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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