i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Acid is not a monday night drug
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
