is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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