She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
