I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
