I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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