how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
