Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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