the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
that may or may not have been my penis.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
