I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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