You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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