I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
