I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He did a backflip because drugs
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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