: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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