as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
