My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
