Tell her she can't have a vagina
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
