when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
