Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
