tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
