How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
