I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
