I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
worst night to have a conscience
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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