i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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