after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
