Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
